just so you know

i am very sorry, for everything.
i don't want to lose you.
cause it took years to built this and seconds to break this? please, don't.
i don't want that to happen, never.
i'm sorry for how messy this is currently, that i fear that this could be irreversible.
it haunts me thinking that i can never talk to you, ever again.
cause i don't want that to happen, cause you really mean alot to me.
knowing you has made my life much better, and without you, it's just different. not to my preference.
i don't like it now at all.
i don't know how it built up to this but i really want things to be just like how it used to be.
how we used to annoy one another, all the laughter and teasings
i'm fat you're ugly but i can diet- i can never forget that.
how we screamed at each other, how we argued and you always winning, all the time
i don't mind losing to you when we argue, but i really mind losing you.
those were the days, that i miss so so much

it's hard leaving when there's so much unfinished business
i'm sorry for all the drama.
i didn't mean to cause so much trouble when what i really wanted to do was to clear things.
it's really sucky when i try so hard to clear things but i end up messing it up, over and over again.
i don't know what to do anymore. cause i'm so scared to even try now. i don't want to annoy you, really.
idk if posting this is the right thing, but i just want to tell you what i've been wanting to tell you.
or what's in my head.

tears were shed, smiles and laughters filled my days throughout the whole time i've known you,
we've been through so much and i don't want to lose you.
i would be lying if i say i don't hate you
but i can't bring myself to hate you at all.
cause i don't want to hate you, i don't want us to be enemies.
i don't want us to evolve into strangers,
i don't want to ruin our friendship, i don't want to ruin what we have
i want to put the pieces back together.
cause you are someone i truly love and care for and i'm thankful to have met you in my life
you were there when i needed you
you were there when i was falling
you kept me strong to pull through the toughest time of my life
you made sure i studied hard
you really cared about me
you gave me the assurance that everything will be okay, that you'll be there for me
you made me feel so secure when things were so bad.
you made me feel that i was never alone
and i'm thankful for all you've done for me, thank you.

i'm sorry for the times i keep walking away when i don't get it my way when i knew you hate it
i'm sorry for annoying you each time
i'm sorry cause i keep expecting
i'm sorry for everything,
for messing up everything.
i'm truly sorry.

i just want you to know, that i miss you so badly,
that i'm so afraid that we won't even be friends anymore.
that i'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart
i really hope you're willing to forgive me.


please don't go away, i need you now
and i'll hold to it, and don't you let it pass you by
-innocence, avril lavigne