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I don't know who to talk to right now. I haven't cried so badly in ages. I feel so targeted at the moment. I never thought this could be an issue for them...... And it was the first time my brother made me cry this bad. I never cried in front of my siblings before. I didn't expect myself to break down either. I hate this.

Yes, I go home really late on multiple band days. But for goodness sake, it's because I have a fucking band meeting to attend to. Why can't you guys be more reasonable? It's not as if I do this every single day. I fucking stayed home all this while because of how things are now. I never complained. I do need space. I do have a social life. Is it wrong for me to stay out late once in a while? I even told them beforehand that I was going to be home really late. There's things to be addressed and discussed. And with the concert coming, come on, there's more to a band than you think there is. Yes, I may not be the best player in the band and I don't even play well, but I enjoy being in a band. I don't think I'll continue this band journey after poly....... So why won't you let me enjoy it while I still can? I know I get pretty negative about band related stuffs or whatever but honestly, I like being in a band. I get frustrated when I can't play and mess my rhythm, but the company, the feeling where you feel you belong somewhere makes up for it. It's not like it takes place every day. Just twice a week. Band's not affecting my studies either. In actual fact, it improved. Not fantastic but you get my point. I am not some wild child, so please understand me. I'm not up to no good. I'm just attending band practice and meetings, a little bit of social life with my band friends.

I know they're being protective of me. I understand. But I do hope they'll understand me too. Understand how I feel and how I want to still stay in band. I made a choice to be in one, and I will stick with it. Despite the unhappiness just now, my brother and sister did come into the room to comfort me after they saw me breaking down. I'm thankful for that. x

I still feel horrible. I usually listen to people telling me their troubles but I don't know how to pour my heart out right now. I can't seem to piece my thoughts.

I wished I could do that. Plus a hug would suffice too.

Iwictty