This is not a happy post.

I could just spam this spam with vulgarities but that is so uncivilised since this is not a private space. If I could scream it all out and record it, put the recording here for people to listen, they'll go deaf cause there's so much hatred in me now. Nothing really big, but I did have a bad day yesterday. From the moment I woke up till now.

Since the holidays started for me, my body clock screwed up. I only sleep at 4am and wake up at 12pm. And it's not easy for me to fall into deep sleep either. My sleeping pattern is messed up and I hate it. Even if I'm tired, it's pretty hard for me to fall asleep.

But yesterday, I managed to fall asleep. I had a freaking good dream I wished it was real omg. It was just so perfect, yes it could only happen in dreams I suppose. Woke up feeling super drained cause I had flu in the morning, but that didn't really affect me. Cause I am used to this. Flu and cold is something common for me. What truly pissed me off was what I saw in the morning. Switched off the alarm on my phone and what I saw totally wasn't a great start to a day. As in seriously, what did I do? I say that it was unnecessary.

I was so drained I went back to sleep. Woke up at 12 and I knew I was gonna run late. While preparing to go out, the electricity in the house was cut off. HOW THE HELL WAS I GOING TO GET READY?! Like whaaaaaaat? My neighbour rushed over and asked if our electricity got cut off too. So, called Bapak and he said that there was some maintenance going on for 30mins. So they cut off EVERYBODY'S electricity in my block. -----Raged cause WTH 30MIN?! IT WAS HOT AND DARK IN MY ROOM HOW TO GET READY.

Then band. I am just so disappointed in myself. I don't know what to do. Whatever happened to the passion I had for band. I can't play well. I admit. I am ashamed of myself. But, I really want to improve and sound better. It's depressing. Really.

ON THE WHOLE I'M PISSED. WITH THINGS HAPPENING AROUND ME. AND EVEN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WTH IT. I'M SO TIRED OF TRYING. REALLY DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF AND SO MANY THINGS.
I don't even see these coming.

This post might seem like there's nothing for me to be pissed about, but you are so wrong. You don't see the whole picture, do you?

/just ignore this. Full of rants.